Canada’s Stalking Us

This post created under the spying eyes of that woman Samantha, by Lostinlimaohio.

Something became very clear to me the other night. Picture it if you will:

I’m sitting watching the news on MSNBC when, okay this is the shocking part, this whole Sam and guest bloggers and all the links, and the WHOLE issue with Canada was explained.

Evidently, unknown to the rest of us- Canadians have been stalking us Americans. I understand this comes as a huge shock to everyone- well except the Canadians, but I have found some clearly disturbing information out from my news watching stunt.

1.Canada is essentially a stalker, stalking the United States
2.Canada has little pictures of us in its bedroom

3.Canada spends all of its time thinking about the United States, obsessing over the United States.

4.Canada thinks we‘re married; we don‘t know it exists.

5.Every single comedian in Canada is now living in the United States… Every one of them. They sneak over the border and live among us unseen.

6. Do you need any more? Really? Do you?

The thought is rather chilling. Here, all this time- I thought Sam was linking to Americans because she liked us- which surely she does- but now it’s just in a creepy “watching you through the bathroom window while you shower” type of like.
What worries me the most is the part where they tell us that Canada has those little photos- think about it, the US is a real big place, they’d have to have one HUGE bedroom to have pictures of all of us.

And another thing, the United States can’t even deal with gay marriages, let alone the sort of mass marriage number 4 mentions. You know there will be some conservitives counting heads in their beds tonight over that one.

Number five doesn’t bother me very much- at least it means that at some point Sam will be relocating to a country offering great things such as:
Bad health care, if she gets any at all.
The Democratic Party
24 hour media coverage of Cindy Shesomeone or another
Pancakes without maple syrup
Using money given by the government to help with childcare costs to buy crack- rather than the beer and popcorn Canadians use it for.
But, back to the stalking…
Every now and then I see some American blogger pops over here to Sam’s place and mentions that they had a referral from Sam’s site to theirs. That would be Sam’s twisted little way of telling us that she’s watching us. I know, all this time you all thought the only person watching your every post, and judging your site was that Bear guy with the globe and clipboard. But you were wrong. Sam’s been there too- sneaking and poking around your site, hoping to catch a picture of some American to put on her bedroom wall.

So there you have it, Canada is stalking the United States. I think the report might have mentioned some other crappy stuff – but I ignored it all to bring you the stalking bit. Because, really- if we are being stalked by a whole country, I think you need to know about it. And now, Sam knows we know. And we know that she knows that we know.

***To Sam’s Canadian readers: the evil MSNBC has posted a reply to your claims of them being big old prudes and not returning your overwhelming love for the US. You can read it here, but with all the spying and stalking you guys have been doing- I’m sure you’ve already seen it.

****Sam, please don’t fire me for letting the secret out about your real linking policy.